Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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