So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
