I heard we made out
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
