the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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