So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize