Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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