The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
