Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
as a side note pls kill me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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