I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think i got beer on your cat.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
