His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm passing your future prison.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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