Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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