when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The adults are the big ones right?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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