walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
