to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize