She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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