Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
