Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
