It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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