I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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