Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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