Where is the hickey?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
