I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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