I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
