The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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