hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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