i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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