If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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