Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We left the knife in your bed.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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