is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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