I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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