i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
