Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
