The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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