im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have feelings that need drinking.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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