Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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