I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
