my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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