i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
