Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
