dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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