If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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