I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
