took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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