I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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