I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
