If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't deserve a penis
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
