It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
