OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
