Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
