yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
