you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize