I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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