wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
