if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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