my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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