saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i wish my penis had a tongue
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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