I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
