where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just cropdusted the office
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
