Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
