On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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