1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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