all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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