Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
