i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He better not be in your backpack
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
