I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You pole danced in your parka.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize