tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
