I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
