Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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