i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
