At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
