just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
