Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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