someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize