Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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