If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
